My dear fellow humans, welcome to the very first How to Human!
I thought a lot about what the first one should be. And I kept coming back to one of the most important lessons of my life.
So here goes.
When I lived in Amsterdam, I went through one of the toughest periods of my life.
TL;DR: my manager changed, and my life became a living hell.
I knew the second I told him about my ADHD that this man was going to make my life very difficult. (Spoiler: he did.)
I felt anxious every second of every day, like I was constantly under threat. My mental health was in a very dark place, and I felt completely alone.
I'll share the full story with you one day.
But exactly during my darkest time, I saw an advert for a support group for people with ADHD. It was completely free, and run by someone who is now a very good friend of mine.
So I went.
And it turned out to be one of the most healing experiences of my life.
For the first time in a long time, I felt safe. Nobody needed me to be anyone else. I could just take the mask off.
Not only did I make amazing friends, I felt so fulfilled.
Honestly, without that group, I don't know where I'd be.
I've been thinking a lot about why it helped so much. And there's some really interesting science behind it.
The behavioural science bit
Self-Determination Theory is one of the most researched theories of human motivation out there. It says we all have three basic psychological needs, and when they're met, we're more motivated and we do better.
*Inserts slightly nerdy diagram*
That group gave me belonging at the exact moment I'd lost it.
Because a lot of us with ADHD mask all day. We hide the bits of us that don't fit, and act how we think we're meant to. So even when we're surrounded by people, we can still feel completely alone.
It's the mask that belongs. Not us.
So here's the learning
Find your people. And spend time with them regularly.
People who see you for who you are, and accept you for who you are.
It's not a nice-to-have. I think it's an essential must-have.
That's a big part of why I started this channel. To find my people, and to be there for them.
And through people like yourself, I'm doing exactly that. So thank you.
So I've made a thing.
A free Discord, just for us. It's called Masks Off, Slippers On.
Some notes on it:
- It's free, and it always will be
- I will never sell you anything in there. Ever. I won't even post my videos
- It's a safe space to just be yourself
- There are focus rooms for body doubling (getting on with your own stuff alongside other people, which a lot of ADHD brains swear by)
- I'll be in there when I can
If you'd like to join, click here.
If it's not for you, all good. No pressure at all.
Either way, I'm really glad you're here.
Masks off, slippers on.
Rav
P.S. Albus will also be in the Discord. Mostly in photo form. Mostly asleep.
